I have been very lazy with posting on my blog this year... so much for new years resolutions and all that.
To be honest, I am finding it a little difficult to know what to post about, as I do not seem to be making much progress with this whole thing. I have delved a little bit deeper into the beginnings of things, and I have tried to cut out the obsessive eating at work (which I have mostly done), and I guess I am slowly but surely losing weight - although not dramatically and not on the steady, constant scale I was aiming for. But now I feel a bit stuck... where to from here?
To be honest, I am finding it a little difficult to know what to post about, as I do not seem to be making much progress with this whole thing. I have delved a little bit deeper into the beginnings of things, and I have tried to cut out the obsessive eating at work (which I have mostly done), and I guess I am slowly but surely losing weight - although not dramatically and not on the steady, constant scale I was aiming for. But now I feel a bit stuck... where to from here?
February Photo
Here is the photo of me taken on 1st February. I have received some comments about the fact that I look like I have lost some weight.... as the comments have come from a couple of different quarters, then I guess I have to take it on board that I look different. I have lost 10 pounds, but I could not see any difference myself. I have started to dress a little differently in so far as I am now wearing things which cover my bottom (the cold necessitated this gravitation of my clothing)... I had previously not done this as cardigan covered bottoms tend to look gigantic... but I guess people thought my bottom was gigantic before, coz now I am wearing longer clothing, they are saying I look thinner. What can you say about that!?
But I think perhaps my face may be looking a little better than before. However hard I find to admit it. I say it is hard to admit because when you can't see the difference yourself, it can actually be a bit of a hard compliment to accept... let me explain.... you don't see yourself any different and you look at yourself thinking you are as fat as ever... then someone says 'wow you look much thinner' and the first thought that comes to mind (for me anyway) is 'so I must have looked a whole lot fatter before?!'... which makes you feel worse as you already thought you were still the same fatness, but now have to contend with thinking you were even fatter..... its weird because it should be a compliment you take so happily and being grateful you are not as fat as before, but then these unhelpful thoughts about how fat people thought you were before sit there like a 'sbd' fart... slowly choking you...
But I have now decided that I must be looking a little better and have decided not to accept these unhelpful thoughts (or try really hard not to)... and take encouragement from my peer's observations.
I have also bought myself a pair of size 16 jeans... knowing full well that I don't fit into them yet.. (nowhere near actually)... but I wanted to get myself a really nice pair in the January sales so that when I am ready to wear them, I don't have to pay out a whole load of dosh for them. They are also a motivation for me. I want to try them on every 2 or 3 weeks to motivate me into trying harder to fit into them. I have to shift quite a bit of weight around my thighs and bottom first. My waist itself isn't that bad (I accidentally bought a size 14 skirt in the sales and I can wear it, although being a bit uncomfortable)... its just my hips, bottom and thighs which are the most bulbous!
So I guess I have done some pondering over my weight issues over the last few weeks, even though it hasn't felt like it... At the moment, I am not 100% sure I will hit my target of being a size 14 in October... it seems, right now, like a huge slippery mountain to climb and I am only equipped with flip flops.... Oh well.. we shall see.
But I think perhaps my face may be looking a little better than before. However hard I find to admit it. I say it is hard to admit because when you can't see the difference yourself, it can actually be a bit of a hard compliment to accept... let me explain.... you don't see yourself any different and you look at yourself thinking you are as fat as ever... then someone says 'wow you look much thinner' and the first thought that comes to mind (for me anyway) is 'so I must have looked a whole lot fatter before?!'... which makes you feel worse as you already thought you were still the same fatness, but now have to contend with thinking you were even fatter..... its weird because it should be a compliment you take so happily and being grateful you are not as fat as before, but then these unhelpful thoughts about how fat people thought you were before sit there like a 'sbd' fart... slowly choking you...
But I have now decided that I must be looking a little better and have decided not to accept these unhelpful thoughts (or try really hard not to)... and take encouragement from my peer's observations.
I have also bought myself a pair of size 16 jeans... knowing full well that I don't fit into them yet.. (nowhere near actually)... but I wanted to get myself a really nice pair in the January sales so that when I am ready to wear them, I don't have to pay out a whole load of dosh for them. They are also a motivation for me. I want to try them on every 2 or 3 weeks to motivate me into trying harder to fit into them. I have to shift quite a bit of weight around my thighs and bottom first. My waist itself isn't that bad (I accidentally bought a size 14 skirt in the sales and I can wear it, although being a bit uncomfortable)... its just my hips, bottom and thighs which are the most bulbous!
So I guess I have done some pondering over my weight issues over the last few weeks, even though it hasn't felt like it... At the moment, I am not 100% sure I will hit my target of being a size 14 in October... it seems, right now, like a huge slippery mountain to climb and I am only equipped with flip flops.... Oh well.. we shall see.
Signing off.
