Saturday 26th September - 14 Stone 8 Pounds

Well, I seem to have hit another plateau... which could be another sign that I have to start exercising now. I really must buy that pedometer! Aw shucks, I am a bit disappointed that I haven't managed to get the pedometer or started to exercise with discipline, but I guess that is all part of the learning curve. I did investigate an exercise class my colleague told me about which involves a bit of aerobics, a bit of pilates and a bit of yoga, and I was really interested in that. Unfortunately, the class is fully booked, but we (being Matthew and I) are on the waiting list should she open up another class.

Now the cooler months are here I will be able to take Sophie for longer walks (she didn't cope with the heat) and I want to start expanding my dog walking routes. Matthew and I took Sophie on a nice walk on Sunday which walked through some fields down by the valley and I may incorporate that in the walk. However, I think I will have to vary it a little as Sophie nearly pooped herself when she was greeted by one of the neighbour's pack of dogs guarding the borders of the property! It can't be comfortable for a little chihuahua to walk past a hoarde of barking and snarling dogs... who knows what they were saying to her in doggie language.

On a positive note though, I have really cut down my comfort eating at work. Quite dramatically so. I will admit that I used to eat up to 2 packets of crisps and 3 chocolate bars plus sweets on a daily basis at work with the occasional packet of cake bars and so on thrown in. This was anything from 800 - 1000 calories per day depending on what I ate! I have stopped buying all of that and I perhaps have 1 packet of crisps a week, with the only chocolate bars I eat being the slim fast low calorie ones (which I still have usually 1 per day). I think I can safely say I have reduced my calorie intake by thousands per week, which is all gravy baby!

It is proof that all I have accomplished so far is the cessation of weight gain... I will need to do more than cutting out the comfort food if I want to actually lose the 4.5 stone I need to. But it is a good start and I have proved to myself that I can maintain my weight with normal eating.

I just now have to work on a program, a realistic program, to increase my exercise to help shift the poundage I am carrying around.

Signing Off.

First Singing Lesson

I attended my first singing lesson today and I didn't back out of it at the last minute. It took a bit of composure as I ding donged the bell, but it was all okay in the end. Why on earth does human nature worry so much about being judged? It is so debilitating! Anyhoooo, I digress.

I had a good chat with Jonathan, my tutor, and we discussed all sorts of things about music, my history, my feelings about it, what I was interested in and so forth. We did some exercises and I even sang a few songs!

He said I have potential so that's a bit of a relief! I can actually hit the notes fine when I think about it, but it is a different story when singing a song as there are so many other things to think about. My breathing is the first thing to work on.

I've got my first lesson under my belt and I hope to have many more over the next few months. I came away feeling quite pleased with myself and blurted it all out to Matthew when I got home.

I know I am rubbish at the moment, but potential means it can get better, so I am looking forward to that.

So, phew! I did it, sung it and now looking forward to practicing. I'll be working on my task of learning to sing 2 songs really well over the next few months and will keep you apprised of my progress.

Signing off.

Pre-Singing Lessons Recording

Oh........My............Word!!!!! I have just completed a recording of me singing away to my favourite album (Mammia Mia) and listened to myself afterwards. And all that is going through my head right now is Oh My Word/Life/Goodness... (fill in the blanks)....! It is probably better put by saying that the money I will be spending on my singing lessons will be money well spent indeed.

Gone are those halcyon days when I thought I was just a little rustier than Celine Dion and Whitney. I guess when it comes to building confidence, there is no better place to start than from the bottom and I think that is what I have just hit, firmly with my arse. Was it a mistake to listen to myself? Um... no, probably not. It's true that I have shattered quite a lot of the little confidence I had, but it is also true that I am now in a better position to work on my voice, knowing full well that I am rubbish. It can only get better and at least I don't have to suffer the humiliation of being told by my tutor that I am rubbish and not understand why he said it.

I have my first singing lesson tomorrow and I will attend this with the knowledge that I truly, truly suck, and that it will take a lot of hard work and probably quite a lot more humiliation before I get what I desire - a singing voice which I can be proud of.

Having said all that, I could detect what we could call 'potential'. There was the odd note or line where I actually sounded ok. But I mostly sounded awful to say the least. I know they say nobody ever likes listening to themself, but once I had got over that, I was just listening to something which was cringeworthy. I generally hit most of the right notes and I can carry a melody (if I don't try too hard or too little) but when I got it wrong, boy did I get it wrong. I have no idea how to control my voice and it sounded like I was shouting my way through nearly every song, even the soft ones. A right ear bashing!

Oh well, at least I know now and I have something to compare with once I have a few lessons under my belt. I intend to re-record myself singing the same songs in a few months time once I have put into practice what I learn and hopefully (so very hopefully) I will have improved. Or at least know where I have to put more effort in.

Oh woe is me.... I thought I could sing..... but I can't. Will it stop me from singing in the shower, car, kitchen, bedroom, everywhere I go?... Nope, probably not. I am just more determined than ever to attend my singing lessons and fix it!

Signing off.

Saturday 19th September - 14 Stone 8 Pounds

I am very pleased with this week's results.... although I have not lost any weight, I have not put any on. I have been away in the UK this week and have eaten all sorts of naughties like fish & chips and sticky buns... so I am pleased I haven't put anything on.

And it was really therapuetic to eat all those things which I miss in England. I was more than prepared to put on weight this week, but as it turned out, I didn't. So a little of what you like really doesn't harm you.

Signing off.

Saturday 12th September - 14 Stone 8 Pounds

Against all expectations, I have lost 1 pound this week. Last week was a bad week and I put on 2 pounds. I did really want to lose weight this week and I had every intention of eating very well at work. I went and bought my fruit for lunches and so forth and controlled the amount of the snack bars I bought. That was all very well for Monday, but then Tuesday was a public holiday and things went a bit awry from there. I ate a bit haphazardly from thereon as it put me off my stride a bit (it was the perfect day to eat marmalade toast and all things cozy as it was a bit drizzly). I had an SPCA fundraising meeting where they were dishing out pancakes, and a press conference for work where they provided lots of goodies like pastitzi and spring rolls..... lots of norties.

Anyhow, it seems that I made at least enough effort during the week to lose 1 pound, and so I am very pleased. Again it has shown me that I can eat quite normally without drastic food changes and portion changes in order to lose weight. I am not upset it is only 1 pound, as I firmly believe the weight should come off slowly as there is more chance it will stay off. If I shock my body into losing weight, it may be successful for a while, but not in the long term.

I visited the SPCA today (Sunday) to pop in and see the girls and say Hi (although I did go yesterday), and Tessie, one of the staff, said that I looked like I had lost weight. I replied that I had lost a little, but she said I looked good and then advised me to lose too much weight as it suited me the way I was. I always find it fascinating when people say things like that as they have not seen me thin, so how can they possible judge? But Tessie's comment shows me that she cares for me as I am, and not for what I look like. It may have been a throw away comment for Tessie, but it was a window into her heart which shows me that she sees past the external to the person inside. That always gives you a warm feeling and although I will not follow Tessie's advice (ie, not to lose weight), I will always remember Tessie's words. It's funny how the small things can make a difference.

Signing off.

Saturday 5th September - 14 Stone 9 Pounds

It is as I had thought - a bad week. I have put on 2 pounds this week :-( .

I have felt a bit away with the fairies this week and have not felt grounded or organised at all in everything, not just my eating. So I am not surprised I have put on. I am very disappointed, but not surprised. I will just have to buckle down and try and stay grounded this week.

I am cooking a big roast duck dinner for a few friends today so I think, as the old saying goes, 'I'll start my diet tomorrow'.

Oh well, I guess I can't always get it right...ho hum.

Signing off.

Face Photo

Here is this month's face shot of me. I've just had my hair cut so feeling a little pleased with myself, although now it is beginning to kick in as to how much hard work it is to keep it looking nice. I prefer the straight look to the birds nest look, so I have to get up about 20 minutes earlier each morning so I can straighten it.... oh well, it's worth it.

I went and bought my piece of make-up which I am rewarding myself with this week and I purchased some mascara. I think it is the very first mascara I have actually properly paid for in my life! I hate paying for make-up as I feel it is so expensive and the cosmetic companies really cash in on women's insecurities. I have always seemed to inherit make-up one way or another through the years and as I don't really use it that much, it lasts me years. I was an Avon lady for a while about 10 years ago and through my commission I built up a little store of make-up (so I wasn't really buying it) and I still have my eye-liner now, going strong, not running out yet. My mascara, however, had died a dry and sticky death, hence the reason for the new purchase this week.

I have a feeling that my weigh-in tomorrow is not going to be all that good as I haven't really gotten into the flow of things this week. It feels like I have been eating all over the place in a random rather than orderly way and I'm not convinced I will have lost any weight, I may have even put some on. We shall see tomorrow I guess.

Signing off.