Saturday 29th August - 14 Stone 7 Pounds - BMI: 33.8

Hurray! I have lost 2 pounds this week. Phew!, I was beginning to think I would never lose any weight.

I have tried a bit harder this week with my eating at work, and had a couple of days where I have had fruit salads for lunch rather than anything with carbs in, and it seems to have done the trick. I have eaten pretty normally otherwise - I even had a Burger King and a big pizza this week. If I can work hard at my day time eating, then it would seem everything else can be pretty normal, which is a nice feeling.

I still haven't bought that pedometer but still intend to do so. Buying things in Malta is a bit difficult for me as by the time I have finished work on a weekday, the shops are closing, and my Saturdays are mostly taken up with SPCA and grocery shopping. But my excuses are not really acceptable as with most things in life, it just takes a little more effort and the jobs done.

I had a bit of a low point this week and so to learn I have lost 2 pounds this week has really cheered me up. My low point was when I went to have my hair cut. I rarely cut my hair (last time I did it was in mid December 2008), but when I do go, I like to go to a nice salon and get it done well. This time I was having my hair cut into a bob and so nothing really fancy, but I was really looking forward to it. The reason I felt low was because I was jettisoned into a world of glamour and, as it happened, lots of beautiful, skinny people. To make matters worse I was put in front of a full length mirror which, as I was sat so close to it, made me look like an ugly ogre. I felt ugly and fat for most of the time I was there, which was a shame as I was there to be pampered and have just Me time. The hairdressers were very pleasant and I was treated with the utmost respect and politeness, even receiving nice compliments on the 'new do'. I enjoyed having my hair cut, and am pleased with the new do and it has boosted my confidence a bit. But for the time I was there, in that salon, I felt awful. My insecurities eating away at me, seeing how different I looked in comparison to everyone else. But these are all part and parcel of having low self esteem, and I am not surprised. So it was really nice this morning when I weighed myself and I was 2 pounds closer to my goal.

My tasks now are to put €10 in the Little Monkeys Money jar and to purchase another piece of make-up, which I will hopefully do during the week.

So I will hold my head high this week, with a new hair do and new makeup, 2 pounds lighter and feeling like I can achieve my goal.

Signing off.

Saturday 22nd August - 14 Stone, 9 Pounds

Again, I have not lost any weight this week. This second week of maintaining my weight has shown me three things. Firstly, that I can maintain my weight without putting weight on (and I haven't been really really dietish these last two weeks), secondly, that I need to start shedding the psychological weight before I can really concentrate on losing the physical weight, and thirdly, that I will probably have to start exercising (boo hoo).

I am pleased that I have managed to maintain my weight over the last couple of weeks as I have not been particularly strict with my diet. I have cut out all the crap I used to eat, but have still had snacks, the odd chocolate bar etc.. and Matthew cooked a lovely dinner of pie and veg, with chocolate brownies and butterscotch angel delight for pudding. So I would say I have eaten normally for the last couple of weeks and maintained the weight. That bodes well for the future when I stop monitoring my weight.

In terms of the psychological weight, I have enlisted the help of a psychotherapist. Elaine will help me identify the reasons why I turn to food and how I can replace eating with more constructive ways of dealing with the urge to do something. I am taking this whole weight thing very seriously and felt it necessary to approach it holistically, therefore addressing every aspect of it. Together with Elaine I will hopefully sort out my head and deal with a few things which could be the cause of my comfort eating. Once the psychological weight drops, it should pave the way for more motivation to lose the physical weight.

The thought of exercising right now is not a particularly pleasant one. The heat during the summer here is really quite difficult to exist in, let alone exercise in. Being this overweight obviously has its disadvantages as it difficult to exercise full stop, regardless of the temperature. All things added up, there is not a lot of motivation to exercise during the summer. For me anyway. However, nobody said this was going to be easy and I will have to push myself to do this. I doubt I will become an exercise freak overnight and so I will start myself off gently. I am yet to buy my pedometer to record my steps and I think I should make this a priority now. Once I am focused on my steps during the day I can motivate myself to increase the steps and then start doing proper exercise.

Signing off.

Money Jar and Make-up

I am a little behind with the rewards and tasks as I should have got myself a money tin and put €25 in it because I lost 5 pounds during the first week (as it is one of my tasks). I also should have bought myself those 2 bits of make-up as my reward. I had intended on doing that on a week to week basis so I wouldn't get behind... good start! But I am only 1 week behind and as I didn't lose any weight in the 2nd week, I have had a chance to catch up.

So today, I have been out and bought myself a money jar to keep my euros in whenever I lose a pound of weight, and I have also been and bought my two bits of make-up.

Money Jar

I wanted to get myself the type of money tin which was totally sealed, either like the old piggy banks which you had to break open with a hammer, or like the more modern version of a tin which you can open with a tin-opener. I have managed to find a jar which is like a piggy bank and will need to be smashed open with a hammer eventually (October 2010) and as I think it is really rather cute, I have decided to post a picture of it. I think it is fitting (although I think it is probably designed for an impish lad). Here is the photo. I have put €25 into it now so I have caught up with my task for the first week.

Make-Up

I decided I needed a new make-up bag and thought it would be a good idea for that to be my first piece of make-up. I have managed to get a good deal as the make-up bag I have chosen comes with 2 things inside, but I am still counting it as one piece ;-). The bag came with a nice hand cream and a nail buffer and was only €10 in total... bargain. Here it is for all to see.

For my second piece of make-up I have bought a lipstick from The Body Shop. I like their make-up range and this was in the sale bin for only €4.50... another bargain! So I feel I have not done too badly with my rewards and it does feel good to go out and treat myself like this.


On getting my prizes home I was eager to open them up and look at them, and Sophie (my chihuahua) seemed equally excited - a girl through and through. I then realised that perhaps it wasn't the fact that she was enjoying the girlie excitement, but rather her new diet was taking its toll on her as she was avidly trying to eat my new lipstick... poor Sophie (she isn't fat, she's just big boned).
Signing off.

Saturday 15th August - 14 Stone 9 Pounds

I haven't lost any weight this week, but also haven't gained any. I am a little disappointed but totally not surprised. I have had quite a stressful week with one thing or another and my eating has suffered a little. I haven't been eating all the usual crap I used to eat, but have had probably a bit more than I should have of the lower calorie things (which kinda cancels it all out!). It is also 'that time of the month' with yesterday being totally horrible and so I am probably retaining some water also. At least that is what I am telling myself!

One thing I have observed this week is my reaction to stress and what food seems to do for me. A particular day at work was quite manic running around trying to do lots of things at once. Lots of IT issues and trying to look at everyone's PC and so on, including trying to do some work of my own. It was just one of those days where you don't sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time until the panic is over. When I did sit down to concentrate on getting some work done, I found the need to eat was really prominent. My head felt like it was still running around and I wanted to eat something to calm me down, focus on what I needed to do and get on with it.

After thinking about this for a little while I have tried to work out what the actual eating does for me to successfully calm me down and make me focus. At the moment, what I have come up with is that the process of sitting down and eating something takes my mind away from the skittish running around, and also stops me for a few minutes physically. It is a forced break so to speak. My challenge will be to try and accomplish to same calming down and focus without food. I may think about doing some short meditation in my head to try and calm and focus my mind, but it will be a bit of trial and error to begin with to see what will work for me as successfully as food.

Signing out.

August Painting

One of my tasks is to paint a picture each month. I set myself this task as I am interested in painting and I had asked for a painting set for Christmas, which my bro so kindly gifted to me. The paints have only been out once since Christmas just because I have not been disciplined enough to actually get them out and enjoy myself with them. By making it a task it will motivate me to do some painting.

I have now painted my picture for this month, and I have decided to open myself up for critism and post the paintings on the blog. My painting is very childlike and shows my inexperience and lack of skill, but it is an expression of myself which nobody can ever criticize. I am neither proud nor ashamed of this particular painting, it just kind of happened. I hope you are able to enjoy it.

Saturday 8th Aug 2009 Weigh-in - Weight: 14 stone 9 pounds BMI: 32.6

I am very pleased with the results of the first week's weigh-in. I have lost 5 pounds of weight which is a nice start. I know I will not be able to maintain that kind of weight loss, but it certainly boosts the motivation in the first week or so. I now need to get myself one of those money tins which you can't open without a tin opener and put away €25 - €5 for each pound lost as my tasks dictate. I also need to go out and buy myself 2 pieces of make-up as one of my rewards is a piece of make-up for every 2 pounds lost.

The worst thing about this week has been the increased gas production. There have been days when I have missed the 4.30pm snack and have paid dearly for it. I am also eating more fruit so that also has its own side effects. All in all, I have felt really rather uncomfortable most of the week due to trapped wind. Carbs and sugars do have their benefits after all - no wind production.

One bonus this week was the discovery of the slim-fast chocolate peanut bar. It is only 99 calories, but the best thing about it is that it tastes just like a star bar! Fantastic! It's hard to get star bars over here and they are probably 3 times more calorific anyway. I'm not quitting chocolate altogether but rather reduce my intake, and so these little slim-fast bars will be perfect for me.

Another bonus this week was the discovery of marmite flavoured rice cakes. I am not a fan of rice cakes as they are tastless and boring, but these ones taste just like twiglets and are low in everything! So they are tasty and not too bad for me at the same time.

It just goes to show that dieting food has moved on in recent years - when I used to diet, the 'healthy' food section was always full of boring, tasteless, fibre filled stuff which made me want to run back into the sweet shop straight away. Now, I have discovered 2 things which are tasty and low(er) in fat than my usual favourites.

I am giving myself a virtual pat on the back for losing 5 pounds this week (without any additional exercise) and for finding 2 new dieting products to help me on my merry way. My next challenge is to find a way to stop all this blasted wind!

Singing Lessons

One of my tasks is to learn to sing 2 songs really well. I do not have much trust in my own ability to judge my singing voice (of course I can sing like Celine Dion!). I have therefore decided to engage the services of a Maestro and have booked in for singing lessons. They start in September. I have been wanting singing lessons for yonks, but never had the courage; I also never knew where to find them. Then one day a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a flyer in my mailbox (which is unusual as I normally throw away anything remotely junkmailish) advertising music and singing lessons by a UK Maestro. I decided the time had come. It would seem that this is another 'time has come' moment for me and with butterflies in my stomach I booked the classes.

I love singing and sing along quite loudly to my favourite songs, but I have no real clue how to sing properly, how to breathe, how to do loud and soft, the vibrato (spelling?!) etc.. All I can do is your average shower time singing.

I am looking forward to the singing lessons, and even though I have some nerves about it, I feel it is the right time to get on with it. I even warned the Maestro that I was a beginner, and had awful nerves and lack of confidence about singing publically. He has assured me that it is very common and also a very quick thing to overcome. I will take his word for it.

So hopefully, after a few months of singing lessons with the Maestro, I will be able to complete my task of learning to sing 2 songs really well.

BMI Chart

My goal is to be a size 14 in just over a year's time. I am not really too bothered about what weight I actually end up - I just want to look and feel a whole lot better. But I will be tracking my progress through the BMI chart (Body Mass Index) to keep an eye on my weight for the health reasons. At the moment I fall into the range of 'Obese', I then have to travel my way through the 'Overweight' section before arriving at 'OK'. As I am 5 foot 5 inches, I need to reach 12.5 stone before going into the next phase, and then I have to reach 10.5 stone to become 'OK'. This index is all about the health implications for you - it works out how heavy you should be for your height.

As you will see by my profile picture at the top, I have the Obese banner flying. When I reach 12.5 stone, I will change it to the Overweight banner and so on. So at least there will be a little visual track of how well I'm doing. It will take a while to get to each benchmark, but then at least it will feel like I have really accomplished something! Here is the BMI chart for reference.

Easing into it, but feeling hampered by stress

I am on day 3 and although I feel I am slowly easing into it all, the last couple of days have been a bit hard. One of the reasons I eat is as a reaction to stress, and the last couple of days have had their stress points! Yesterday I received the sad news that Uncle Bill died. This was sad news indeed. The desire to pop to the shop to buy some comfort food started to rear its head. I then had a slight misunderstanding about my transport to my evening SPCA event which almost had me in hysterics as I thought I was going to be late....(I'm probably banned from calling our local taxi service now!) However, once I was at the event, I was far too busy to think about eating comfort food.

Today I have been quite stressed at work. I am in a flux situation where I have the benefit of a new member of staff to assist me with my workload, but the initial training actually puts me backwards and causes a bit more stress, albeit on a temporary basis. The days at work will be hardest as that is when I most want to eat. However, I was a good girl and didn't eat junk food (I purposely didn't buy any) and stuck to my bananas and coconut yoghurt.

Part of problem with my system is that I am a grazer (as my Pop says), meaning I need to eat all day, but small portions. This doesn't encourage sticking to 3 meals a day so I have to decide what will work best for me. My body asks for food every 3 hours, and if I ignore the request, it takes revenge by producing a large amount of gas. For anybody who knows me well, this wont come as any surprise at all. However, I combat excessive wind by eating every 3 hours, and this usually does the trick. So, another challenge is to work out what to fill the gaps inbetween meals with. So far today, I had a banana at 10.30am but then didn't eat anything at 4.30pm. I am now waiting for my steamed veggies to cook and I am absolutely starving (not to mention full of wind as I missed the 4.30pm snack).

Oh the joys of listening to one's body and learning to fulfill its needs, rather than desires. I guess I will have to treat it like a child - 'I wants, don't get' as the old saying goes.

First Day – 15 Stone exactly

Today is the start of my challenge and the recording of it on this blog. I plan to write about my temptations, my problems with being overweight, keep track of my weight loss and BMI (Body Mass Index) figure. As today is a Saturday, I will weigh myself every Saturday morning and record any weight loss/gains and so forth. I am looking forward to this challenge, which is more of a challenge to change my attitude to food and eating rather than a diet. In fact, if anyone asks me, I will say I am not dieting – I will just try and eat normally.

One of my tasks is to take a photo of my face on the first day of each month and post it on this blog. So here is the first one. Please be kind as I was extremely tired and hot when this was taken!

I feel today has been a good start. I volunteer on a Saturday at the SPCA here in Malta and I often take goodies in to treat the staff (as they need looking after too) and I usually partake in the goodies myself (chocolate, biscuits, pringles etc). However, today I did not take anything in with me and I have stuck to my meals of the day rather than eating all day (as it is so easy to do at the weekend).

So raise your glass of water to the first day of the challenge!